Merry Birthday

On behalf of all of us celebrating our birthdays this month--in addition to celebrating that other holiday--I share the December Birthday Commandments. Send them to your friends and family.

I. Thou shalt not use Christmas wrapping paper on our gift, unless you would be happy with us using this candy cane paper on your gift in June.

II. Thou shalt not schedule a family Christmas on the day of a birthday. The December Birthday Convention of 1973 has granted an exception for birthdays on December 24 and 25 with the codicil that an appropriate birthday celebration be scheduled forthwith before the end of the calendar year.

III. Thou shalt not say This Christmas gift counts as your birthday gift too. Cheapskate.

IV. Thou shall expend a similar amount of planning and energy as is common to all family/friends birthdays, refraining from complaining about scheduling difficulties and the abundance of sweets this time of year.

V. Thou shalt not say Wow, it must be terrible to have a birthday around Christmas. We know.

VI. Thou shalt NEVER send a birthday card in the same envelope as a Christmas card or write "Happy Birthday" within a Christmas card.

VII. Thou shalt not use Holiday plates, napkins, cups or cutlery at a December birthday party.

VIII. Thou shall make every effort to give year-round gifts, knowing your friend/family member has but one opportunity to receive short-sleeved shirts or a new water ski.

IX. Thou shalt not place December birthday gifts under the Christmas tree.

X. Thou shalt refrain from baby-making activities in March.

UPDATE: Modern researchers say Jesus was actually born in June. Take that you summer birthday people!